nameless, I stare at the sun and swallow up babyteeth. I like the way my eyes hurt and I like the way my throat gets chopped up so bloody and small. one thousand cuts! I’m so nothing that I’m not even fractions! I stand in the lake looking up up up and I sink into mud so nicely. I am not to be pitied; I’m no walking-wound; my shoulders are loose and long and nobody ever looks at the blood in my mouth! why are you looking at the blood in my mouth? I’m nobody and my blood doesn’t even taste like me; I don’t taste like anything. I’m just dirt under nails and stray blots of ink on the table.
why are you looking at the blood in my mouth? it tastes like iron and salt, but I don’t share spit with just anybody. don’t get greedy. don’t want for my dust. don’t make me want your soft legs in the valley of mine. it’s not fair; it’s never fair at all.
I’m sorry. I ran far away from you. I’m sorry. I knocked my teeth out and waited for new ones to grow. I’m sorry. I’m dead already. I’m all heavychested lonely. I’m cracked thumb-knuckles and bad luck. I’m throwaway needles in a water bottle; bottlecap screwed tight tight tight. at night I dream I’m holding you and I get nauseous from the guilt. you can’t dig my unmarked grave up; it’s just dirt! I sink into it so nicely!
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