How do you interview an interviewer? The only question more daunting is how do you interview an interviewer who leads his interviews with questions such as, “You have a time traveling closet.  Using this amazing scientific discovery, which former President would you travel back to and play Seven Minutes In Heaven with?”

J. Bradley is the author of Dodging Traffic (Ampersand Books, 2009) and The Serial Rapist Sitting Behind You is a Robot (Safety Third Enterprises, 2010).  He is also the Interview Editor for PANK Magazine and runs the Broken Speech Poetry Slam, soon celebrating 10 years in Central Florida.

Being a writer as well as interviewer, he is not impervious to having the tables turned, which is what I attempted to do while walking the fine line between imitation and flattery.

—

Are you one of those writers who’ve been writing since childhood? Did you prefer action figures (which ones) to pen and paper; or how did you keep occupied in those developmental years?

I loved writing when I was six.  I was seduced by math until I was about 15.  I wanted to be many different things (accountant with super powers, cool computer hacker) but once I discovered I hate math involving letters and that I can’t program in BASIC, I turned back to writing.  I miss action figures, though, ones that had articulation that would allow you to reenact epic martial art battles.  Now, the best you can do is stiff chops and kicks.

I read in a past interview that you’ve done away with cable TV. I wish I could do the same, but I am hopelessly addicted to basketball. Now that cable is out of the picture, have you encountered any substitute distractions while writing? What are you addicted to?

I read a lot (short story collections more than anything).  When I don’t want to read or don’t feel like writing or just drinking, I’ll watch movies on my DVD player or watch something on Netflix.  I’m watching Babylon 5 again and I appreciate it even more because of the elaborate threading and storytelling in it.

Are you still connected to the slam poetry community? May I be so bold as to ask why so many slam poets deliver their work in a similar cadence? And while on the topic, would you be so kind as to fill in the following SAT analogy?

I am still connected to the slam poetry community and have people in that global community that I admire and enjoy their work.

Regarding cadence, I don’t see similarities.  Where I see repeat offenses is in content.  It’s easy to hit someone who doesn’t know you’re hitting them or let alone care to hit you back.

slam poetry: broken fire hose :: flash fiction: machete made of broken dreams

What could the literary community learn from the slam poetry community? And vice versa.

The literary community could learn how to engage an audience in person.  The slam poetry community could learn to be more interesting.  And to edit.

When doing readings/performances, do you worry about sneezing or barista-coffee-grinder solos? What was the worst distraction you’ve personally experienced?

I don’t.  I block out most distractions, except crowd reactions.  I think the worst distraction I’ve personally experienced was in 2003 during a slam team fundraiser where I got heckled by someone because of a poem I performed about being a substitute teacher and something that actually happened.  Looking back, I deserved it.

If you were suddenly Dr. J. Bradley, professor emeritus of creative writing at Prestigious University, what would some of your writing classes be called? Course descriptions are also encouraged.

Open Mics: Nature’s Greatest Mistake
Fact And Fiction: The Importance Of Telling The Truth Even When Lying
STFUAW: Action Speaks Louder Than Ambition
How To Fail Amazingly

As a fellow Orlandoan, do you feel defensive when you tell people where you live, or that this city gets a bad rap? And speaking of bad raps, who is the worst rapper alive, in your opinion?

I don’t.  People who only see the tourist areas have no right to talk shit.  I will only hate on a city if I have been to it and experienced its suck, like St. Louis.

About rap: most of it puts me to sleep when I experience it live.  The only rappers that have not put me to sleep are Sage Francis, Grand Buffet, and Mac Lethal.  I’m a rock guy.  I need live music.  Scratching records and letting your hype men do all the work is wack, son.

What do you enjoy most about Orlando? Could you supply our fellow Orlando readers with a poignant-yet-offensive retort for all the haters out there?

Orlando has culture, has art, has interesting cool places if you’re willing to look and enjoy the coolness here in this city.  Instead of hating, do something to make this city better or get the fuck out.